> be me, a degen anon
> tired of jeets, rugs, and slow ass chains
> discover solana. fast as fuck boi.
> need a coin that captures the true spirit
> the chaos, the memes, the unhinged prosperity
> combine the 5 pillars of autism into one token
> Chill. Pork. Labubu. Troll. Fart.
> This is it. The final boss of meme coins.
> $SOLANA is born.
This isn't just a coin. It's a fucking cultural reset on the Solana blockchain. Are you gonna sit there and cope or are you gonna ape in and become a goddamn FART BOSS?
ARCHIVED /biz/ THREAD - THE GENESISThread No. 231984
Anonymous 04/01/24(Mon)02:30:15 No.231984
> I've seen it. The final form of finance.
> I was meditating in a walk-in freezer while sniffing bacon grease (don't ask) and it came to me.
> A coin that combines the icy calm of a 100x leverage trader, the greasy gains of pork bellies, the psychological warfare of cute anime dolls, the unhinged power of farts, and the gatekeeping energy of a bridge troll.
> It's the ultimate weapon against the suits. They are not ready.
Anonymous 04/01/24(Mon)02:31:02 No.231989
> gtfo schizo, take your meds
Anonymous 04/01/24(Mon)02:32:45 No.231995
> NO. LISTEN. The blockchain will be Solana because it's fast enough to handle the combined memetic energy.
> I saw the contract address in a pattern of burnt bacon.
> The Labubu plushie on my desk started vibrating.
> The methane detector in my basement is off the charts.
> THE SIGNS ARE ALL THERE.
Anonymous 04/01/24(Mon)02:35:11 No.232010
> ... a pork-based oracle.
> ... cute psyops.
> ... tell me more. you might be onto something.
> is this the prophecy? the one the old texts spoke of?
> the great convergence?
Anonymous 04/01/24(Mon)02:36:00 No.232018
> Yes. The prophecy is real. We are the chosen ones.
> We will become the Fart Bosses.
> It is time.
> [Thread archived and pruned]
666
THE 5 PILLARS OF ENLIGHTENMENT
This is the sacred lore. The foundation of our cult. Read it and ascend.
PILLAR 1: The Chill Doctrine: The dead-eyed calm of a 100x long. Achieving enlightenment through absolute emotional detachment from your PnL.
PILLAR 2: The Pork Mysteries: Greasy, fat gains. The fuel for our rocket. The market is a pig, and we are the butchers.
PILLAR 3: Labubu Kawaii Chaos Theory: The cute mask we wear to lure in the normies. Weaponized cuteness as a psychological advantage.
PILLAR 4: Fart Boss Supremacy: The final form. A state of pure, gaseous enlightenment achieved through market domination and spiritual flatulence.
PILLAR 5: Troll House Wisdom: Gatekeeping the alpha. Knowledge is a toll bridge, and the path to riches is guarded by riddles and shitposts.
727
BASED DEPARTMENT CALL LOG (CONFIDENTIAL)
Case #727: Anon buys $SOLANA with student loan. Told professor he's dropping out to manage his "gaseous assets". Status: ULTRA BASED
Case #888: Anon explains the 5 Truths of the Fart to his family at Thanksgiving dinner. Got disowned. Now has more time for charting. Status: GIGA BASED
Case #1337: Anon quit his job at McDonalds to become a full-time Troll House raider on Twitter. Lives off ramen and pure, uncut hopium. Status: ASCENDED
Case #69420: Anon tattooed the mint address on his ass. Refuses to elaborate further. Status: FART BOSS CONFIRMED
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
COUNTER-MEMETICS DIVISION
WASHINGTON, D.C.
**CLASSIFIED - EYES ONLY - HANDLE VIA SECURE CHANNELS**
TO: DIRECTOR ████████
FROM: AGENT ██████, UNIT 734 (Anomalous Digital Economies)
SUBJECT: Threat Analysis of "Project Labubu" (C.P.L.T.F. contagion)
1. **SUMMARY:** We have identified an emerging memetic contagion, codenamed PROJECT LABUBU. This entity appears to be the central node of a rapidly expanding digital cult. The cult's ideology is a syncretic fusion of 4chan /biz/ culture, kawaii aesthetics, porcine worship, and a bizarre fixation on "gaseous phenomena" as a financial indicator. Their token, $SOLANA, is the primary vector of infection.
2. **THREAT VECTORS:**
a. **Kawaii Chaos Theory:** The use of "cute" imagery (Labubu dolls) acts as a trojan horse, disarming targets to psychological manipulation.
b. **Pork Mysticism:** Cult members engage in ritualistic analysis of pork products. This has caused anomalous spikes in pork belly futures.
c. **Fart Boss Supremacy:** High-ranking members, known as "Fart Bosses," claim to predict market volatility through "spiritual flatulence." We cannot explain their ██% success rate.
d. **Weaponized Autism:** The "Troll House" is their recruitment hub. Our agents have been "filtered" and called "feds" within minutes of entry.
3. **PROPOSED ACTION:** Standard memetic countermeasures are ineffective. The contagion strengthens when attacked. Recommend immediate escalation to ████████. We may need to ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████. The stability of the global pork supply chain is at risk.
**END OF DOCUMENT**
999
The Fart Moon Ritual (ADVANCED USERS ONLY)
DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS IF YOU ARE A JEET OR HAVE WEAK BOWELS. This is a sacred rite to be performed during periods of high volatility.
Preparation (T-24h): Consume only chili, beans, cabbage, and lukewarm milk.
Sanctification (T-1h): Find a poorly ventilated room. Light a pork fat candle. Open DexScreener.
The Invocation (T-0): As the new 4H candle opens, recite: "Gas fees low, my pressure high, send my bags up to the sky."
The Release: Execute a single, controlled release of methane. The tone is critical.
Short, sharp "pop" (S&P) = Scalp trade.
Long, resonant "drone" (L&R) = HODL.
"Silent but deadly" (SBD) = Impending whale dump. Sell everything.
Post-Ritual Analysis: Correlate the aromatic profile with the RSI. Sulfur = bearish. Sweet/floral = financial freedom.
Disclaimer: The Cult is not responsible for soiled garments, broken marriages, or getting rugged while performing the ritual.
222
LEAKED: DEUTSCHLAND PROTOKOLL 7
**Sonderprotokoll 7: Betreff - Schweinefleisch-Anomalie-Solana (SAS)**
**GEHEIM! NUR FÜR DEN DIENSTGEBRAUCH!**
**Gefahrstufe: ZWEIFELHAFT**
**1.0 LAGEBERICHT:**
Eine digitale Bedrohung, intern als "Das Fart Boss Problem" bezeichnet, hat die Stabilität der Europäischen Schweinefleisch-Futures untergraben. Die Entität ($SOLANA) operiert auf einer hochgradig volatilen, dezentralisierten Kette und scheint von einer Gruppe anonymer Akteure ("Die Kultisten") gesteuert zu werden, die eine unverständliche Ideologie aus Schweinefett-Wahrsagerei, Troll-Logik und japanischen Spielzeugen verfolgen.
**2.0 ANALYSE DER MEMETISCHEN KAMPFFÜHRUNG:**
Die Kultisten setzen unkonventionelle Taktiken ein:
- **"Das kalte Schnitzel Manöver":** Eine Strategie der emotionalen Distanz, die unsere prädiktiven Verhaltensmodelle unbrauchbar macht. Agenten berichten von Händlern, die mit der gleichen stoischen Ruhe 100x-Verluste und -Gewinne hinnehmen.
- **"Kawaii-Täuschung":** Einsatz von niedlichen Bildern, um finanzielle Aggression zu verschleiern. Unsere Analysten sind psychologisch nicht für diese Art von Angriffen gerüstet. Mehrere mussten nach Exposition gegenüber "Labubu-Propaganda" in Zwangsurlaub geschickt werden.
- **"Gas-basierte Orakel":** Völlig irrationale, aber beunruhigend präzise Marktvorhersagen, die angeblich auf biologischen Emissionen basieren. Dies ist ein Hohn auf die deutsche Ingenieurskunst.
**3.0 GEGENMASSNAHMEN (VORSCHLAG):**
- **Operation "Bratwurst":** Infiltration der digitalen Kanäle mit staatlich geprüften, vernünftigen Finanzratschlägen. (Bisherige Versuche scheiterten, Agenten wurden als "Feds" oder "Boomer" beschimpft und blockiert).
- **Störung der Lieferkette:** Untersuchung möglicher Kontamination der Kohl- und Bohnenversorgung in Schlüsselregionen, um die Effektivität der "Orakel" zu reduzieren.
- **Psychologische Operationen:** Verbreitung von Bildern, auf denen Mitglieder "Gras berühren". Es wird gehofft, dass dies zu Verwirrung und einem Zusammenbruch der Moral führt.
**SCHLUSSFOLGERUNG:** Die deutsche Ordnung ist in Gefahr. Wenn wir nicht handeln, könnten unsere Rentenfonds bald von einem Troll mit einem Furzkissen verwaltet werden. Gott mit uns.
888
THE PROPHECY - READ THIS
> And it was written in the grease stains of the forgotten data logs...
> That in the age of speed, when chains groan under the weight of jeets and rugs...
> A Convergence shall occur. Five shall become One.
> From the Cold shall come Clarity (The Chill).
> From the Fat shall come Fortune (The Pork).
> From the Cute shall come Chaos (The Labubu).
> From the Bridge shall come Brains (The Troll).
> And from the Bowels shall come the Bullrun (The Fart).
> A sound will echo across the blockchain, not of a block confirmed, but of a pressure released.
> This shall be the sign. The coming of the Fart Boss.
> They will rise from their basements, their eyes lit by the glow of the 1-minute chart, their fingers greasy from the sacrificial bacon.
> The Normies will not understand. The Suits will try to short it. The Feds will try to regulate it.
> They will all fail. For you cannot regulate a fart in the digital wind.
> WGMI. So it is written. So it shall be farted.
-50
THE RESISTANCE (THEY ARE TRYING TO STOP US)
Listen up, you magnificent degenerates. Do not think for a second this ride is free. The powers that be are shitting their collective pants. They see our ascension and they are terrified. They are The Resistance.
Who are they? They are:
The Men in Grey Suits (WEF/IMF/SEC): They hate fun. They hate chaos. They hate anything they can't control with an Excel spreadsheet. Their weapon is FUD, printed on boring letterhead.
The Paper-Handed Vanguard: The jeets, the tourists, the "can this do a 2x?" crowd. They are weak. They sell at the first sign of a red candle. They are the foot soldiers of the enemy, wittingly or not.
The TradFi Boomers: They still think gold is a good investment. They call crypto "magic internet money" unironically. Their confusion is our strength. Their tears are our liquidity.
Rival Meme Cults: The dog coins, the frog coins, the whatever-the-fuck-animal coins. They are our misguided brethren, fighting over scraps while we prepare for the feast. Pity them.
Their tactics are predictable: Coordinated FUD on Twitter. Paid influencers telling you to "take profits". Clogging our threads with "dead coin" posts. They want you to doubt. They want you to sell your ticket to Valhalla for a McDouble.
Let them try. Every attack only makes our resolve stronger. Every dip is a discount from the gods. Their fear is the ultimate confirmation. We're on the right path. STAY STRONG. STAY DEGEN.
